Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Smurf Happens

Yes, yes I did in fact see the Smurf movie this weekend with the BF and BFF.  Not only was it cute, but it also finally answered the age-old question Why is Smurfette the only girl in the entire village?  Really?  One daughter and 99 sons?!   

"Smurfette was magically created from clay by the Smurfs' enemy, Gargamel, so that she would use her charms to cause jealousy and competition among the Smurfs in order to cause their fall. The smurfs' kindness to Smurfette caused her to want nothing else than to be a real smurf. Papa Smurf took pity on her after infusing her with moonbeams, turned her into a 'real' Smurf." {Source}

So, being a girl... kinda a pain in the derriere if you know what I mean.  This post will be A-Typical in the fact that I'm about to rant, possibly use less than lady-like diction, and most likely not even proof-read before posting so with that warning in place, only read ahead if you too are in a sarcastic "say it how it is sista" kinda mood.

It all started with an Apple.

{No Smurfin' Way!!!}

As I'm pouring myself a huge glass of whine this morning (no not wine, I'm not an alcoholic people, and I do have work today) the BFF points out it all went downhill whenever Eve had to give in and eat the damn apple. 

Don't do it Eve!!! Just don't do it!!!!

So, she ate an apple and Vaginas everywhere were cursed for life.

It's 'that time'.  I hate being a woman. It's like you have all this crap with your 'monthly guest', or you're pregnant and have a whole other arsenal of crap, OR you hit menopause and have a whole DIFFERENT set of crap symptoms. There is no reprieve!!!!!!!!!!

But how can we even be mad at Eve for eating the apple when that's what we've been told to do our whole lives?

I mean, really, WHAT EVIL MOTHER EFFER WOULD MAKE AN APPLE BAD?!?! We grow up hearing 'an apple a day keeps the doctor away'.... umm apparently an apple introduced SIN.  Fu#k you apple, fu#k YOU. 

Apparently, this is what they meant by that phrase...

"Oh snap! Stand back!! We all know apples are dangerous as heeyyyyyllll!"


So I digress... there are just days when you feel like being a woman sucks.

But actually...

One of the best quotes ever.  If you haven't seen the movie "Dirty Love" you haven't lived -  it is seriously the best chick flick of all time.  Jenny McCarthy is raunchy, pathetic and hilarious as she displays exactly what it feels like to be a girl. 

So yesterday I had every intention of heading for a 10 mile bike ride with the BF after work - we are in training for our Corporate Challenge (booyah!) and I had a ton of energy built up.  The only problem was that by the time I left work I was so hungry so so hungry I couldn't even think about anything other than food. 

It's was as if my body was just screaming for

So once I got into the car, I turned into my BF and I'm pretty sure this happened:

Don't judge me.  The hormones over came me, I was not in control of my own actions.

We went to Market Street - you should never go to a grocery store hungry it is a recipe for disaster.  I jumped completely off any health wagon I had been on and dove into fresh baked chicken tenders, mashed potatoes and orzo rice (which artichoke hearts).  Heaven.

Then I sat there in a food induced coma trying to figure out how to eat such delicious meals while not turning into the size of a house boat.

Don't worry - I hate bugs.  And all things creepy crawly.  I can't imagine how people are ever productive knowing they have a living thing in them literally eating them from the inside out.  Freaky.

Word Sistas.


So I figure at the very least, since we ate relatively early, I could digest my meal and we could go for an evening bike ride - which would really be nicer anyways since it's Hotter than Hades in Texas right now.  Really, I told myself, I was an awesome planner.

The only problem was after eating I just felt like this:

And no matter what the BF did I was in a very bad mood.  Which is shocking to people and they usually don't know what to do with me when I'm in a bad mood as I am seldom in one.  I'm typically happy giggles and sunshine and far too much caffeine. 

They need to sell these.  So you can give them to people after the 'unwelcomed guest' finally leaves and things turn back to normal. 

So today the plan is to fit in that bike ride after work... and maybe a Jillian DVD... and maybe a little run on the treadmill... really just anything bc let me tell you, I could sure use some of those happy exercise endorphins right about now. 

Today's lunch will be a sampling of every left over that was in the fridge.  Lemon Pepper Salmon, Steamed Squash, Pasta Marinera a la Veggies & Italian Veggie Sausage, and a small salad. 

And let me tell you, no one at work should mess with me because


Your Questions for the Day:

Do your workout plans ever get derailed?  Does it seem to happen in cycles?

My workout plans often get overcome by 'events'.  But when this happens I take a 'no excuses tomorrow' approach where no matter what I make up for missing the day before.  I also allow myself more slips during the work week, but not on the weekend.

Do you like Apples?

I like green apples, and I hate red ones. I'm a fan of sour fruits.

Name your *favorite* comfort food:

My favorite comfort food would be Lobster Truffle Mac & Cheese from Kona Grill, or an *incredible* Chicken Fried Steak w/my mom's homemade mashed potatoes and a sweet dinner roll.  That's the country in me coming out. 


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So FUNNY! You're little sis and I were talking about the woes of being a 'woman' just yesterday. I think you hit the nail on the head. My favorite part "and vaginas everywhere..."

p.s. You always looked remarkably like Smurfette (except maybe the blue skin).


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Love the movie Dirty Love! And I am definitely going to use that grumpy cake idea one day..